My math teacher in my junior year kept failing my tests because I wouldn’t show work. I was told that unless I got a 92% in my final test, I would be kicked out of school (private school).
She handed us the final in scantron form and told me I didn’t have to show work because she knew I was going to fail. I handed in the test and said something to the effect of “I hope tragedy falls upon you.”
Two days later her husband, who owned multiple farms, was decapitated by his workers. I got a 96%. I still feel bad.
playing around with realistic looking bb guns in the middle of the night in an elementary school thats 2 blocks away from a police station
My friend at the time fucked my older brother. She would ask if she could spend the night, say she was going to get a drink of water, and have sex with my brother. She’s still a cunt face
My friend and I took a trip with his family to Colorado. We stayed at a very nice resort with cabins right next to a river. We were probably 16 at the time. At night, after his parents went to sleep we would sneak out of our window and go steal beer from other peoples coolers around the park. I know we were bastards but it didn’t take much to get our young asses drunk. So amidst the beer drinking we decided to relive our childhood and throw rocks at cars. This was a common practice amongst the two of us and yes I agree we were total shit heads. Anyhow on the last night of our vacation we were in our usual routine of a few beers and waiting for cars to come drive by on the lonesome mountain road. We hid in the trees and waited as headlights approached from the distance. Rocks in hand we braced for the moment and when the truck got in range we both let em fly. Both rocks hit; mine hit a wheel, my friends hit the wheel well and made an echoing whoomp. The driver slammed on the brakes immediately, this was uncommon, most other cars just kept driving. He busted a U-turn better than most police pursuit videos and was screaming down the road honking at us as he saw us running trough the middle of the resort under a lamp. I would also like to clarify that we weren’t chucking boulders or anything like that. Dime sized pebbles were the standard practice. We didn’t want to ruin peoples lives but then again I’m not sure exactly what the fuck our intentions were. Anyhow the truck slams on his brakes immediately and we panic. We are professional shitheads by this point in our mischief careers and we knew better than to run back to OUR cabin. So instead we ran across the park and down behind some other cabins and hid by the creek. My friend and I became separated at one point but eventually found each other and devised our escape plan. I peeked out from behind a cabin about 150 yards from where we initially entered the woods and saw a police cruiser parked in front of the cabin we ran behind. That poor bastard got woken up by a cop asking him if there was kids hiding in his cabin (sorry about that, man). Our only option was to take a LONG hike out into a field behind our cabin but out of view from the police and cabin where the aforementioned angry man was. We crawled for what seemed like about a quarter mile into the field and sprinted to the wooden beam fence that bordered with the resort property. This field was a vast open area with grass about 18" tall. Just y’all enough for us to lay prone in and remain hidden as another car passed on the road with its headlights illuminating the entire field. Needless to say we were beyond scared shitless at this point but knew we had to act quick if we wanted to remain undetected. So we crawled as fast as we could down the fence line until we had to cross the fence. We then had to climb through a fence and remove the screen from the other window in our room that his dad had fixed with super glue after we broke it on one of the first escapades. This window was also the window that I decided to leave unlocked for no apparent reason at the time but the decision paid off. Why is this window so important? This window was on the opposite side of the cabin, out of view from the police and complainant. I managed to rip the screen off and dive through the window with my friend close behind. We got in, shut the windows and went to check out front to see if the police were still there. They were, right outside of our cabin, looking around in the trees where we threw our rocks from. So we quietly changed clothes and remained as quiet as possible praying that there wouldn’t be a knock at the door. After a restless night we got up the next morning and packed our shit as fast as we could and got out without any further incident. That was such a close call that scared us so badly that we never did any dumb shit like that ever again. But it does make for some fond memories and a long ass story to type out on an iPhone. Thinking back we should have and just as easily could have ended up in a Colorado county jail that night. Thankfully we were spared
Tl;Dr- a friend and I threw rocks at a truck and it pissed off the owner. Luck was on our side.
A couple of friends and I began drinking in the afternoon to go see a friend DJ at a bar downtown. At this point we were underage, but all had terrible fake ID’s to get in. After drinking about 10 beers and multiple shots each, we made our way downtown (Toronto). We were so shit faced by the time that we made it to the Queen St streetcar that we were literally sliding the windows open on the moving street car to take pisses out the window (9pm on a friday, many people were on the sidewalk). We get to the bar and attempt to get in, we all get turned down blatantly. We go to the back of the bar and sneak in and end up sitting in a booth. Our DJ buddy sends a bottle to our table, vodka I think. We end up taking more shots and having a few pints. The last thing from the night that I remember is throwing up down the side of the booth and quickly being called out by a randomly 30 year old lady for doing so. This is where it gets interesting. I’m fully blacked out at this point, so all I have is deduction and witness accounts. My friends watched my other buddy and myself get kicked out of the bar and get into a cab, which should have taken us home. Ten minutes later we were spotted by a girl from our school in a bar down the street, trying to buy more drinks and screaming the lyrics to Sunshine Highway by the Dropkick Murphys. I woke up the next morning in MT. Sinai hospital, in a stretcher bed in the hallway, with my entire shirt covered in blood, and IV in my arm and obviously broken nose. I go look into the mirror and my entire face is covered with dried blood, to the point where my eyebrows were caked hard. I clean myself up and realize that my nose is literally sideways. Apparently the ambulance showed up to an intersection where both my friend and I were on the ground, both punched out. To this day I have no idea what happened, neither does he. A nurse comes up to me and tells me what they knew, which was that we’d been assaulted, and that i had a 0.38 BAC when I came into the hospital. She also lets me know that at 4:30am, I walked into the nurses room, and proceeded to take a leak all over the floor. I feel terrible and say sorry many times. I make my way home at 7:20 in the morning and feel pretty good (still drunk, IV had drugs). Two hours later my friends pick me up to go on a 7 hour road trip to a barn party in the middle of no where. Halfway through the ride my drugs wear off and my concussion, hangover and broken face all hit me at once. I proceed to throwup in a McDonalds drink cup for the next 2 hours. The swelling was so bad the next day that i couldnt taste food, I looked a lot like avatar (plus two black eyes. If this gets any upvotes/publicity I’ll dig up the pics.
TL;DR Got really shitfaced, got knocked the fuck out, peed on the nurses room floor, threw up a bunch, looked like avatar.
A server and I paid our bartender 20 bucks to sweep out sections naked after we closed down the restaurant. It was awesome! She had huge tits and I was 18. The MOD didn’t care but the GM somehow found out. Fired us both. Now that seems like harmless fun but this was right before I left for college. I was suppose to transfer restaurants to the one in the college town. After being fired I couldn’t. So I spent the first half of my first semester at school burning through my entire savings because I didn’t have a job. By the end of the semester I was broke and had to leave school to move back in with my parents. I never told them why I got fired. I really wonder where I would be at in life right now if I had kept the job.
I was 16 and had just started smoking. We went to a baseball game as a family. I told my family I had to go to the bathroom, when really all I wanted was to find someone to bum a cigarette off of. I found a group of younger looking people smoking. I approached and asked for a cigarette. They gave me one and we sat there talking for a few minutes. They then invited me to go to the beer garden with them. I told them I was 16 and they said they were fine with that. One of the guys ordered me a Rum Runner and we drank and talked. I lost track of the time, but I think 30 minutes went by. Next thing I know; my uncle walked into the bar, saw me, and approached the table. He looked around the table in disgust and said, “She’s 16!” He then grabbed my arm and we left. He kept asking me to blow in his face and accused me of drinking beer. I was adamant I had not drank beer, because I hadn’t and I was kind of a smart ass. We returned to my seats and my aunt was crying. They thought I had been abducted. I felt terrible. I was grounded for the rest of the summer and could do nothing but work and come home.
Looking back, I realize how dumb I was. Still feel bad about it. It was a good time though.
I was from a girls’ school. The week after the final exams we were in class and bored out of our minds, I had a friend teach me how to French kiss (I was 14 and naive). Things escalated really quickly, and half the class started making out with each other. No teachers walked in on us (until this day I have no clue how that happened) and there was no stripping involved.
This happened in 2008.
Me and my friend were playing outside every single day.
Even though it had rained a lot that day we went out to play at the construction side. Which was a open field with high sand hills.
The rain made the sand into mud, which gave me the perfect idea. We took our boots, and went to the side.
I told my friend to jump into these puddles of sand, which where now acting as quick sand because of the intense rain the day before.
I also made jumps but not as long as I challanged him to do next; one whole minute staying into the mud while sinking down.
I knew that this would probably work, so I tried pushing the limit as much as I could. Please note that we were both doing this and we were having fun both.
And then it happened, he quietly told me in this voice, “I…I’m stuck”. Mission accomplished!
Now things started going wrong. He could’t get out so we needed help. My dad actually saw us playing there and he noticed something was wrong. He went over and tried pulling my friend out with my help.
It didn’t work.
Little did we know that 5 minutes later the street stood full of ambulances, police and firetrucks.
They got him out and all was good. We had some very nice laughs off that later!
Proof: http://i.imgur.com/6oHvmVN.png
Edit: grammer which still sucks. Sorry for poor english
Me and my friend sent a picture of me buttnaked except for socks and me holding a chocolate milk jug over my package to a girl as a joke… She supposedly cried then told her mom. Her mom then contacted mine and his parents at about 1 in the morning and threatened to call the cops. The next morning my mom and dad (completely ashamed and embarrassed of me) make go over to her house and apologize to the girl and her mom in person. Needless to say it sucked when it happened but I laugh my ass off today thinking about it.
I was 13 and I just got back from Korea. Being a kid, the only souvenirs I brought back were BB guns. I had this toy Glock-23 that was pretty real looking, complete with safety-trigger and everything.
Anyway, during summer vacation, I was hanging out at my friend’s house and I had brought along my BB guns. I lent my friend the Desert Eagle, and I took the Glock (we were both really into Counter-Strike back then). We made-believe we were in one of the CS maps, I think it was cs_siege or de_nuke, but that’s not relevant to the story here. They had one of those driveways that ran along the side of the house with a garage at one end and the street at the other (this becomes important later on).
Being the stupid-ass punk kids we were, we realized, “Hey, this isn’t real Counter-Strike without sniping!”
But no, we weren’t going to snipe each other, ohhhh no no. That would be too boring. We were going to shoot complete strangers. Cause that’s real Counter-Strike make-believe.
Just then, the song of my people started playing. The ice cream truck had arrived. We looked at each other and traded Return of the Jedi nods and quickly scurried over to the garage. The plan was to shoot the ice cream truck the moment when he would cross our view. My friend bet me 2 bucks I couldn’t hit the ice cream truck. It was about 50 feet or so, and I scoffed at his implication that I was a sniping n00b. “It’s on!” I said.
So there I was, lying prone on the ground, using a toy Glock-23 as a sniper rifle, about to unleash yellow-BB hell on this ice cream truck. The ice cream truck popped up in my sights, and I fired a single shot straight at it. Then we heard it. A deafening, chilling scream.
We freaked out and ran away to the baseball field 2-3 blocks away. Neither of us had no idea what had just happened. 30 minutes or so went by, and my friend got a message on his beeper (holy crap I’m old). It was his mom’s number, along with a “911” which was code for “Imma whup your butt, get home now.” He looked at me, and I knew that we had no choice but to turn ourselves in. As a safety measure, we ditched our BB guns at home plate and began our walk of shame. When we got to his house, nothing had prepared me for what was waiting for us.
There were two patrol cars with flashing lights, and they wanted an explanation. Apparently, this ice cream truck was running quite an unusual business model. Whereas a normal ice cream truck usually had one person operating as a driver/server, this ice cream truck was running a two-man-cell. One drove, and another sat at the ice cream truck’s window to serve younglings. My pr0-sniper shot apparently was perfectly aimed. It sailed right into the ice cream truck’s side-window, and nailed the server in the ear. The lobe alone was swollen to about the size of a quarter.
The ice cream guy (about 6’4", 200+ pounds, or at least it seemed that way at the time) took one look at me and immediately said that he didn’t want to press charges, but just wanted an apology. Me and my friend apologized, and confessed to our alter-egos as pr0-snipers to the cops. They asked where we had hid our weapons, and we reluctantly told them. “Let’s go pick them up,” said an officer. It was my first and only ride in the back of a patrol car. It was a mixed bag of feelings containing “I’m Bart Simpson bad-ass,” and “Ehrmagawd, please don’t put me in jail.”
We picked up the BB guns, and afterwards the cops brought me to my house. Nobody was home, and so they asked me to get the house phone and call my parents. I did as I was told, all the while scared shitless. They explained to my shocked, conservative, Korean parents that their son was headshotting ice cream workers. It was safe to say I was fucked. But that wasn’t all.
The cops asked me if I had a hammer handy. Confused, I said yes. They ordered me to get it and bring it over. Once I did, they told me to break my BB gun with it. My only souvenirs from my father’s homeland, and they wanted me to destroy them with my own hands. Cruelty beyond words. It killed me to do it, but I did it. It was better than going to jail, I told myself. When it was all over, there I was, in my driveway, hammer in my hand, slouched over the remains of my Glock-23 and Desert Eagle BB-guns, freaking out over what my parents would do when they would arrive home in a few hours.
As the cops were leaving, I think they gave a light chuckle as they flashed their lights one last time as they drove off. “BWOOP BOOP.” That was a sound I’ll never forget. It was the sound of that summer ending right there. At least for me.
TL;DR: I was a pr0-sniper, but the Counter-Terrorists won.
Edit: Grammaring
My party trick used to be breaking beer bottles over my head. Two days before New Years I tried in front of some old friends I hadn’t seen in a while because they didn’t believe me. Well the bottle broke, but it also sliced the inside of my thumb open to the bone. We tried to dig out any glass, wrapped it in toilet paper, the duct tape. We taped it to the back of the couch to keep it above my heart (it throbbed when the blood pumped to it). The next day when I saw it sober I went to the hospital. I had to have surgery because it sliced through most of the tendon. I lost a bit of range of motion in my thumb, but it makes for a good story.
When I was 17, I used to sneak out like twice a week to spend the night at my girlfriends house. I would roll start my car and then park two blocks from her house so nobody would see my car outside. Her parents did not approve of our relationship despite my being tall, athletic, respectful, and an honors student. I would crawl into her bedroom window knowing full-well that her parents were in the room next door. Picture this; I’m 6’2" and he is 6’ 8". He’s terrifying.
Well, one night, I decided to stay over later than normal. At 3:30am we get woken up by noise coming from the kitchen. She tells me to be quiet, it’s just her dad feeding the dog. WTF! Feeding the dog at 3:30am!?!? So we’re stone silent. I hear the door to the garage open. She whispers that he’s taking out the garbage. I slide off the bed and get as far under the bed as possible.
Suddenly, there’s a light shining through the window. I can see a sliver of light from underneath the bed. He’s fucking peering in the window. She is pretending to sleep. The light goes off and I hear the garage door open and him come back inside. Suddenly, her door opens. Luckily, my clothes were under the bed with me. I had been able to slip on my pants and my sweatshirt before she had asked me to stay longer at 2am. I couldn’t find my shirt though.
She pretends to groggily wake up and asks him what he’s doing and he replies “nothing, just checking up on you.” She tells him to be quieter next time since she’s trying to sleep. Door closes. Then the garage door opens again and everything goes silent for 5 minutes. I can’t leave because I have no idea where he is. We don’t talk this whole time. Suddenly, he bursts inside again, the garage door slams. He door bursts open and he asks where I am.
Oh fuck.
She plays it smart. Nice going sweetie. Be cool. He rips off her covers. She’s in her pjs. I’m not there. He says he knows I’m there. He checks the closet. I’m not there. Her mom comes in and asks “WTF is going on”
He tells her and she tells him to stop being crazy. Can tell the room has been sacked, and I’m not there. He says the most terrifying sentence I’ve ever heard.
“I found his car a few houses down”
Wait what? That’s not my car? The neighbor has the same make and model but it’s always in the same place. WTF is wrong with him?
She says, “crap. Kmwalk14. Come out”
Fuck. She didn’t know that I always park really far away. Shit. Luckily I’m dressed. He tells me to put my shoes on. Crap. I had left a used condom in my shoe. Squish. Makes me sit on the couch in the living room, then calls my parents. Fuck. My gf comes out and sits on the other couch. Her parents are arguing in the other room. I ask if I can drive myself home. They can tell my parents later. Don’t wake them up because…
…It’s Mother’s Day
Had sex with ex at her house in high school. She was paranoid about her parents finding out so I always had to take the condom out of her house to throw it away. One time I forgot and left it on the floorboard of my parents car I had borrowed to go see her. They woke me up early the next morning and said “you left something in our car” as tired as I was I knew instantly. I marched outside in my boxers, picked the condom up and threw it in the trash while my dad hollered over his shoulder, “My cars not a stabbin wagon”.
Being hired by a neighbor to tear down an arboretum that formed a corner porch on his house. The important detail here is I’m waaay to young and the job is a Major demolition that needed men and chainsaws and maybe a skid steer. The roof was made of twelve foot long 2x12s, there’s no telling how much it weighed. After poking, pulling, and banging with a hammer, my teenage mind decided to tie a rope to the outside edge and start yanking. I got the structure swinging until it finally ripped free and swung back into six sliding glass doors completely destroying them.
When I was 16 a buddy and I got it in our heads that we would run away to LA and get in the entertainment business. Our big plan was to work and save money and live on a small sail boat.
We hitchhiked across the midwest. When we got to Chicago there was a serial killer at the time so no one would pick us up. THis beautiful young woman picked us up telling us about this and kept asking us not to kill her. DOn’t know why you would pick someone up being that afraid.
We get to Nebraska and this old woman picked us up in this old 50’s car. Was super cool, talked our ear off, fed us at a truck stop.
I wanted to see the rocky mountains. We were in N. Platte Neb. and couldn’t get a ride to save our life. SO we went down to the Interstate and got picked up by a state trooper. Sat in jail a few days before we would tell them our names. We finally did and our dads had to drive across the country to pick us up and then the long ride back home.
One funny thing on the way back is we were in Ill. and my buddy Bob was sleeping and I woke him up to go to the bathroom. SO he’s half asleep and walks into the woman’s bathroom. We were all watching and about 30 seconds later he come storming out of the bathroom with his head held real high like nothing happened. All 3 of us busted out laughing. When he got back to the car I asked him what happened. He said he went in to take a shit and heard a little girls voice. Then he looks at the floor next to him and saw a pair of high heels. It started to dawn on him what was going on and he bolted.
A group of us (15-20) would play airsoft on the regular. I was too broke to buy one, but everyone else was dropping several hundred in to their guns to make them shoot crazy fast, and I usually borrowed one or two, and of course they have all the tacticool body gear.
We got the cops called on us from a concerned citizen and about 10 of them stormed the hill we were playing on with guns drawn.
There was a police blotter we saw one time before this. Horseback rider said a dozen youth were armed with assault weapons, when police arrived on scene none could be located. I remember them, we stopped play and waved to not spook the humans or the horses. Assholes. I guess they thought we were a youth IRA summer camp or something.
Beach party, never had I been so smashed before. Police arrived to end the party, we scarper through some gardens not far away from the beach. Jumping fences and such and I casually fall into a pond. Later get a lift home from my mum. Still wrecked and drenched. Car starts to drive home, I feel sick. She manages to open the door for me, but somehow I think the dashboard will be better to be sick on. Was a relatively new car as well…
When I was 15, I rode my bike across town to my girlfriend’s on a SUNDAY night, and climbed in through her window. We fooled around until 3:30, when I checked my phone and decided, “Hell, there’s still two hours until my mom gets up to get ready, I have time.” I then immediately fell asleep and woke up the next morning to a police officer ringing the door bell (my gf went to a different school, she had the day off, her parents were already gone). My mom, freaking the fuck out, was with him. I was grounded and forbidden to have contact with my gf again.
We had sex a month later
Walking home from a party at 16, well not so much walking as crawling, covered in vomit, picked up by a cop, he drove me home.