Reddit, what is your best teenage fuck-up story?
I texted my girlfriend “yo let’s do anal tonight #analfridays”. It was entirely a joke, her and I both knew it. It was an ongoing joke we had. Her MASSIVELY over protective father saw the text and calls me from her phone screaming at the top of his lungs. I remember him saying “I know how you youngsters think. You do it in the butt to avoid pregnancy”. Was the worst 10 minute phone call of my life.
Threw a match into a box of Black Cat fireworks while standing in a dry grass field under heavy power lines. Big explosions…oooooh…aaaaah. Small grass fire…okay, start stomping. Big grass fire…not okay, stomp more. Wind picks up…wall of flames…run! Fire burns field, power lines melt, I hide under my bed. Fire department, police, ambulance, power company, blackout for three days during the summer. No air conditioning means hot, angry people fight each other.
tl:dr - I caused neighborhood apocalypse.
Came home blacked out drunk with vomit in my pockets. Woke my parents up falling into things. When they came out to see what was going on. I was pissing in the living room floor.
When I was ~12, I managed to rack up a $2,000 phone bill using my grandmothers emergency cell phone and Diablo II LoD. Not my best day when that bill came in. My father called every single number on the bill (there weren’t that many) and asked them if they knew that I wasn’t supposed to use this phone.
When I was 14, I didn’t tell my parents about an early release school day and instead went to the movies with a guy. At the movie theater, we were making out heavily when suddenly someone taps his shoulder. It was one of the theater workers telling us to exit the movie. As soon as we get out, mall security is waiting for us and take us to a containment area in the mall. They accused me of giving him a blowjob in the theater (which I never had done at that point) and threatened to charge us with public indecency. Even though we denied it, they still called our parents and had them pick us up. Needless to say, I was grounded for a loooooong time.
Edit: Let me clarify that I have never given a blow job in a theater.
I TP’d someones house with some friends. The cops came. My friends scattered. I stupidly tried to hide behind a bush. Someone saw my body lying still behind the bush. I guess it looked like I was a dead body. This guy called the cops back because they thought they had stumbled upon a murder scene. After 20 more minutes of lying still, scared because this guy had his headlights trained on me, the cops came and found I was alive after giving me a light kick. They were cool and gave me a ride home.
When I was 16 I used to open beer bottles with my teeth all the time. I thought I just had an incredibly strong mouth because I used to do it and never had any issues.
Then one day, I’m at my friends house and there is a girl who I’m absolutely in love with. Acting really cool I went to open her bottle with my teeth.
Five chipped teeth and a massive dentist bill later I regret not just going downstairs for a bottle opener.
Never did anything with her either.
I was 14 years old and had recently discovered a little activity we called “powerboxing” (shutting off the power to a home). I thought it would be real funny to sneak into the yard of my neighbors and shut off their power, while I waited in the bushes to watch them come out trying to figure out what happened. So, I shut off the power and lay waiting… waiting… waiting… nothing. I figured they must already be asleep so I went home feeling let down that my stupid prank didn’t create any ruckus at all. A week later that family came home from a vacation to find that their power had been shut off. Their newly landscaped yard had been killed off by the 100+ degree (F) heat (many trees died and the grass was yellow/brown) costing thousands to replace. The ice maker in their freezer also melted and spilled gallons of water onto their nice wood floors, warping the wood and permanently damaging the flooring. They also had a large industrial size freezer in their garage full of frozen meat (more specifically, salmon from their annual Alaska fishing trip). All of it had gone rotten and stunk to high heavens.
My mom caught wind of our neighbors misfortune and immediately sensed her trouble maker son had something to do with it. She confronted me on the issue, I confessed, and approached the neighbors to confess my misdeed. He was real cool and told me that confessing must have been real hard and that if I helped with yard work during the summer he would forgive me.
TL;DR I shut off the power at my neighbors house as a prank and caused thousands of dollars of damage.
My stepmom inherited a genuine Tiffany lamp from the 1880s or so. She put it in a cardboard box wrapped in blankets and put it under our ping pong table.
I wanted to move the ping pong table up against the wall to play solo off the backboard, or whatever you call it, so as I moved the table, the box was in the way, so I shoved it with my foot. I heard glass break and thought little of it. I figured it was a lightbulb or something cheap (we did not have anything nice in our house, so breaking something wasn’t all that upsetting).
Later that day, in passing, I told my dad I broke something. He said “what was it?” “I dunno,” I replied, “something glass inside that blanket box under the ping pong table.”
His face went white. He walked away and went upstairs to check and then told my stepmom. I heard her yell “WHAT?!” Later that night he told me what it was that I broke. The lamp is worth 10s of thousands. It had been passed down through the generations of women on her side to end up in her hands. She had it for 24 hours before one of her 5 boys had broken it. She hardly stopped crying for 2 days.
100 years, no problem. 24 hours with me, and it’s destroyed.
I once got drunk at a party and told my crush all my niche porn tastes. And then ask her out to prom using the DJ’s microphone. good times man, good times
Edit: same night did the cinnamon challenge twice, no problem, friends decided to switch to curry, pro life tip: don’t do it
I have a couple of these.
- 8th grade - My grades started going from awesome to shit that year. So naturally, I scanned my report card, opened it in MS Paint, and changed the grades on it using copy & paste.
… on MS Paint. This was like 15 years ago, but still, what the fuck was I thinking. It was pathetic and I can’t believe I wasn’t caught the instant I gave the fake to my mother. A few weeks later, I did it for a friend and his mom called my mom. That was a shitty summer.
- 9th grade - I was at this Kottonmouth Kings concert (embarrassing) and this kid that was with my group of friends brought a big bag of mushrooms. They had a pizza cart right on the floor of this show… So naturally, we bought like two slices between the five of us and dumped the shrooms all over them. It was my first time tripping, I had no idea what I was doing. I was high as balls and spent the rest of the show on the smokers’ patio, watching my friend puke for like an hour. The concert ended and my mom came to pick all us kids up.
She could instantly tell we were trashed, and must have thought it was hilarious. Just to mess with me and my friends, my mom parked the car in a grocery store parking lot and sent 5 kids into the store with $50 and a list of stuff we had to get. My friends and I spent the next hour and a half in a grocery store absolutely freaking out, looking like idiots, and buying the wrong stuff.
Worst mushroom trip ever. I was a terrible kid and my mom handled it to the best of her capability. I love that woman.
Me and some friends snuck into our rival highschool and I took a gargantuan shit in their gymnastics foam pit. We got caught, no legal trouble, but we all got 60 days alternative school and had to pay the school $4,500. I worked an entire summer getting 40hr a week at $11/hr and didn’t see a dime
Edit: Thanks for giving me gold, maybe this wasn’t a teenage fuck up. I mean shit, I got reddit gold… MY LIFES TURNIN AROUND BOYS
Edit 2: I was a cook at a high scale restaurant. That’s where I made 11/hr
So, me, my brother and our friend decided to make a “sparkler bomb” (about 100 sparklers all scraped off into a cup which we’d then light on fire with a sorta fuse). We had everything good and ready to go then just whilst lighting it, one of the sparks managed to jump from our shitty fuse into the “bomb” immediately after my mate lit it. Causing the whole thing to violently explode right in his face. We had to then carry him from the relatively dodgy storm drain nearby home to the house and chuck him in the pool. This was about the time that we realised his face was starting to peel off and tentatively decided to wake up the parents…
tl;dr Made a sparkler bomb, blew up in friends face, face peeled off.
Edit: For a few people who’ve asked… He managed to close his eyes instinctively so he didn’t go blind. But his whole face was a saggy charred mess which didn’t look particularly ace. We managed to get him to hospital quickly enough luckily and after a couple of months of bandages and an AWESOME doctor he looks absolutely fine and has 0 problems.
at the doctors, age 11 or so. when the doctor left, i pumped the blood pressure meter as high as it would go cause it was awesome. it popped. mercury everywhere. hazmat team called in, building shut down
tl;dr hazmat team
My brother was a fuckup. He went to jail for heroin possession over the summer, my dad agreed to bail him out but he had to stay in the house the entire time until his court case. My dad helped him out with everything over that time. Got him new clothes, took him to the doctors and dentists, even offered to take him to the outpatient rehab in the next town over. One day after my dad took him to the dentist (had to pay out of pocket because he was 19) my brother came home, not a single thank you for anything. He snuck out of the house when my dad wasn’t looking. My dad was pissed so he locked him out and said he was done with him, four days later my father died of a heart attack. I try not to blame my brother but he was responsible for 90% of his stress…
My brother and his friends decided it would be fun to shoot a propane tank wrapped in a gasoline soaked towel. Which was fine because they decided the middle of a barren cow pasture was the place to do it, and it is. Bang boom wow, everyone was happy and satisfied. Except for, “Tim” who decided it would be fun to show some of his friends. Now Tim was only 14 at the time, and loved weed. Tim decides to replicate fun times in the backyard of his parents house, which happens to be a part of a forest. He and his friends set up the propane tank, Bang Boom Wow. Now it’s time to go inside and take some bongrips. The come back outside to a raging fire. Tim grabs a hose. The fire department eventually gets called for what ended up being 150+ acre forest fire. Tim’s parents are held liable and now have to pay a fine. Luckily no one died, and Tim’s parents house didn’t burn down.
A night of epic partying at my parents house when they were out of town. At least fifty people all of them wasted and doing unspeakable things and some idiot videotaped the whole thing. After cleaning everything up and restoring the house to normal I thought I had gotten away with it scott free. About two days later my mom calls me downstairs because my little brother had put one of his movies in the vhs player. It was the tape of the party which included a couple having sex in my parents bed, a few people smoking joints in the kitchen and using the good crystal to play “quarters”. The couple in my parents bed had dressed up in my little brothers Viking costume from Halloween. Just to add that final touch of debauchery.
Played impromptu baseball in school and busted a girls face with a solid oak coat rack. Then she asked me to prom and I said no because, you know, busted face. Not my finest moment.
Threw a party when I was 13 with my best friend who was 16 and my sister who was 15. My best friend invited a couple of her friends from school who invited a couple really sketch dudes. They stole a computer from a national lab that my best friends dad worked for as well as a couple hundred dollars and two razr cellphones when they first came out. We tried to hide it for a couple of days to get the shit back ourselves, but we couldn’t. The cops had to be called because of the computer. My mom was pissed so was my best friends dad(obviously). We had to go sit with the cops and tell them what had happened and they gave us a very stern talk.
It was awful for a good three months. None of our parents trusted us and my mom put us on “pocket time” which my mom does instead of grounding. Basically if we want to do anything that’s fine, but she is going to do exactly what we’re doing. If we wanted to go to the mall to walk around, she’s there hanging out, if we want to go eat somewhere she’s there hanging out, basically you just can’t escape her. If she couldn’t go she would send another adult(usually it was this guy who was living with us at the time) to hang out with us.
In the end everyone got over it and forgave us for being stupid teenagers. None of us have lied to our parents since though so I guess something good came out of it.