Gardening Not “Manly”?

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Appreciate some of your thoughts here…and yes I know, I shouldn’t care what other people think…and I don’t. If I did I would have stopped gardening years ago. I just find this amusing and wondered if I’m not the only one. I’m 45 and been gardening seriously for 5 years but within the last couple years I began to share my thoughts, questions, opinions, and pictures of my yard and garden. I work mostly with women and I often get comments like: I wish my hubby would do this…he would never be caught doing girly stuff like that or awe how cute….what does your wife think of all this? Oh I know a man who gardens but he’s like 80 something. The only other man I know who’s yard looks like this is gay. Or even when people come to our house I get the “love what your wife did with the yard” and other gendered type back handed comments and compliments. What am I missing? Is it because I’m in the south where this is frowned upon or something? I’m a being naive? Again I don’t care just want to hear if anyone else has similar stories?

Edit: ok some things I have to clarify. Looks like there is some different definitions to what we call “gardening”. By no means am I farmer. I do have a very small vegetable garden but 80% of my gardening is tending to my borders, flower beds, containers, and my wildflower meadow. This 80% is what these women are making the comments about. I do not haul hundreds of pounds of manure, ride tractors, or tend to livestock. Nobody would ever question the “manliness” of that.

Edit #2: holy shit to the number of people who only read the title and proceeded to give their opinion. Half of the comments think men have told me this when in fact if you read the post it was women. So no I can’t punch them in the face or tell them to shove their fragile male egos up their ass.

Edit #3: also elaborated in the post…I don’t care what they think. I didn’t make this post to get sympathy or ask what I should do. It’s an observation. So no, I’m not giving up gardening like some kind of rube.

Edit #4: lots of confusion about where I am and the type of women who said these things. I live in a small town in Virginia that hit its peak in the 1950s and 60s. Lots of money lots of wealth. When that boom ended in the 80s and 90s lots of folks around left. But some stayed. Lots of what we call old money. Their kids (who are in their 50s and older) are the ones who I work with and still think this 1950. These women are your typical southern belle wannabes. Very pretentious. Very fake. Very girly. Very stuck in the past. They are not commenting on my vegetable garden. They are commenting on my peonies, roses, camellias, lilies, etc etc. so you don’t have to defend a man you know who farms a 2 acre plot of land….not what we’re talking about. Save you some time.

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Gardening is a bit like cooking: when it takes place within the domestic sphere and there is little profit or prestige involved, it’s considered a feminine hobby, but when it takes place in public environments and does involve payment and prestige, it’s considered more manly. I work for a small city, and most of the gardeners on our payroll are men. However, when volunteers are needed for various activities, it’s usually women who show up. I do admit that I know more women who garden, but you’re hardly alone. The coworker I get along best with is an obsessive gardener; it’s the basis for most of our conversations.

If you do a search for master gardeners in your area, you will likely see a bit more of a balance between genders. There may also be a cultural factor as well, like you said.

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Manly men don’t give a fuck what these weaklings think about their hobbies

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As a Monty Don fangirl I say nothing is sexier than a man who gardens.

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Dude. I’ve worked construction for 30 years, got hands like meat hooks and I love tending to nature. Nothing cooler than nurturing a seed or plant to health. Reaping the rewards of blooms or vegetables that magically appear with only sun, water and soil!

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I’m 48, male. I garden. Dad gardens. Grandpa and grandma gardened. The great-grand parents gardened.

Why?
Dad: oil crisis, widower
Grandparents: WW2 victory gardens because of rationing.
Great grand parents: the Great Depression.

The gardened because they had to. I garden so my kid will have the appreciation and skills to garden if she ever needs to. Plus it’s fun!

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Gardening isn’t a “girly” thing. Honestly, most of the people I know who garden seriously are men. Especially if you’re talking fruit and vegetable garden. My grandfathers, both of them, were the ones who introduced me to it as a kid. My husband does as much of the gardening now as I do. My parents live in a house built by an old friend of the family and he had five vegetable gardens, seven different fruit trees, rose bushes all around the house and two huge asparagus patches in addition to his actual farm. I have literally never heard it referred to as a girly thing, and I wonder if the reason for that is that I live in a very rural area surrounded by cornfields. Most of the people here are either farmers or work supporting farmers; it’s basically an entire community of people who grow things.

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Peeing on your compost while proudly admiring your garden is a unique male pleasure.

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There is sexism and people will say whatever. I have a coworker who ‘doesn’t bake’, cause you know, he’s a man. It’s dumb as hell. You’re weak if you can’t be comfortable enough in yourself to garden

I garden, bake, cook, clean, and guess what- I’m a married man. So does my wife. Forget those people!

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Definitely your area. And remember when people say it’s not manly. Their idea of manly is usually similar to a Neanderthal.

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I’m a straight, insensitive, socially inappropriate, butthole of a man. I bought a house with a neglected lawn containing several large garden beds, each with neglected flowering plants, and decorative shrubs, and several large flowering trees - magnolia, cherry, ornamental plum, and pear trees… The beds had neglected, smushed, malshapen spirea, azaleas, and others I still haven’t figured out.

On vacation, I went to a Japanese garden - thinking it’d just be a cool way to spend an afternoon - and I was absolutely blown away by just how beautiful it all was. I realized I had been criminally negligent. Someone 30+ years ago poured their hearts into my lawn, and a few families since had crapped all over it. I was crapping all over it. I was a terrible person, and needed to change that.

I’ve spent the last 3-4 years making changes, and bring it back up to snuff. I’m absolutely becoming one of those guys who absolutely gives a shit about the flowering of my rhododendrons, and the acidity of my soil, and the shape of my spirea… I see neighbors who clearly don’t give a shit about their lawns being riddled with dandelions, or plantain, and I think they’re missing out. I think they’re missing the whole point.

I spend every weekend spring to fall, out at 9AM (about to head out now) weeding, landscaping, trimming… I’m getting to the point now where I am through fixing the old beds, and am making new ones. I’m picking out flowering plants, growing a pair of Japanese maples, and learning bonsai - so I can trim and maintain some of the 40+ year old evergreens that are getting overgrown.

If anyone thinks I’m a “poof” for giving a shit about my lawn, they can eat a bag of dicks and go back home to their shithole lawn.

Now - all that said - I’m also a very liberal, open minded dude, and think people just need to get over social perceptions and be healthy, happy people. Even if that means having an ugly lawn… they’re people too.

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Finally! People my age are into what I’m into! I’ve been into gardening since I was a teenager, and finally people are getting it! :heart:

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I am a sensitive 34yo guy who loves flowers and I am very much a man.

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Mate, I’m 6’2, 120kg with tattoos & a beard, I’ve recently completed a full back yard renovation from bare dirt, it’s landscaping mate, taking pride in a nice home & yard.

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I get all the same comments. I’m something of a redneck type. My hands are covered in callouses and every line of them is usually filled with dirt. When I go to NAPA covered in dirt and sweat for a tiller part I’m assumed to be rebuilding an engine. Nope, just clearing a section out to put in some spring ephemerals. I work with a lot of ‘manly men’. Big truck types, gym bro types, etc. You wouldn’t be able to pick me out from that crowd until you gave us each a pallet of manure to move or looked at our hands, lol.

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Anyone who thinks that hasn’t double dug a bed or tried to dig in my rock filled soil.

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What’s more manly than being caretaker of your land, feeding your family, and protecting/supporting nature? Not that it matters anyway. My grandfather was the manliest man I ever knew and he’s the one that taught me everything I know about vegetable gardening, soil health, etc.

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I’ve battled with this myself. Living in an apartment building, on the third floor balcony overlooking the driveway, I always felt exposed and judged. Hut I’ll tell you what, we had the best balcony on the entire front of the building. Beautiful greens, tomatoes, flowers, raspberries, and more.

Now, as a homeowner, I have even more pride. I shamelessly wear my large brimmed hat while outside working, and my farmers defense sleeves and gloves for protection. I’m a pale skinned person so all the UV guard I can get is worth it.

Gardening is NOT girly or manly, it’s gardening. My fruit trees don’t care which gender hands take care of them, my perennials will grow despite what’s in my pants. The only time gender gets involved is when I need to help my cucumbers pollinate, :rofl:.

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Just call it farming in you’re concerned.

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28 year old dude here. I built a big vege garden, planted a line of raspberries and blueberries, and I’m currently working on a native flower/grass/shrub bed. Got my male coworker into the vege gardening as well, and another started growing peppers on his porch.

The only thing my fiancée has done is plant some peonies and an azalea bush